Crossdressing... Questions Asked and Answered by Michael and Lady Layla
During the past year, I have had the honour of exploring my own love of S&M with a grand person by the name of Michael. His interests in BDSM and D/s are varied. They include everything from Foot and Boot Worship to Floggings; being hit with a variety of implements to dressing in the latest Fetish Fashions. He has been featured in 5 separate showcases and each showcase reveals a different aspect of his personality.
The first showcase introduced his love of high heels, stockings AND submission. The next showcase, showed his ability and desire to please me while I put him through a series of CBT and bondage torments. While yet another showcase entitled "Lady Layla" brought forth his Feminine side.
Although he enjoyed dressing and showing off this very sexy and sensual side of his personality, it created a new set of concerns for him. Would other men see him as being Gay? Would women find him less desirable because of this other aspect to his personality? We ended the shoot by having a rather serious conversation about these fears and insecurities that exposing this very private side to him had brought to the surface.
While editing the Lady Layla images it dawned on me that I had an opportunity to interview Michael AND Layla both for the sole purpose of perhaps shedding some much needed light about Cross Dressing and Fetishes in general.
The following is a series of questions and answers that I created and sent to him via Email. Other than spell checking his responses and making the appropriate corrections, his answers are intact and unedited.
MLS: Michael, when did you first discover that you have a love for women's' clothing? How long has this love of women's' apparel been going on?
I'm not absolutely certain when I first became aware of my interest in it, but it was very early in my childhood. My first clear memories of sneaking off with my sister's clothes are from the second grade. One of them has to do with getting caught wearing some things by our French, teenage babysitter when my family lived in Paris... Wow, I hadn't thought of that in some time. It sounds like a good start for some really fun fantasies, doesn't it? Hmmmm..
MLS: Michael, did you spend years in denial? If so, how did you finally break out of it?
That sort of depends on what you mean by denial. If you mean trying to convince myself that I was not really into it -- well, I've never been able to deny it to myself at all, really. It feels like I have always known that women's clothing was a turn-on for me. In the fairly remote past, there were a couple of times I actually discarded all of my women's clothes. I think of those times as my "purge" periods. Even during those "purges", it was not that I thought the interest was gone. I was just trying to stay away from it. Within a few months, I always started up again, and it was difficult and/or expensive to replace what I had thrown away.
If, by denial, you mean simply (sic) hiding it from others -- oh, yes. No one could know about that for many years. Although I did like to toy with the danger of getting caught by 'safe' people (like my sisters), I kept my love of women's clothing hidden throughout my adolescence and teen years. In my early twenties, I started to share it with people who were very close to me, on rare and private occasions. As my fear of rejection (or maybe I should say, my fear that the impact of rejection would be devastating) has dwindled, the frequency and boldness of my indulgences in cross-dressing have increased. Of course, I still don't walk into work in drag.
MLS: If you can recall, how did it feel the FIRST time you ever wore women's' clothing? Can you describe the apparel and what it was that made it so wonderful?
Sorry, I really can't say I recall the very first time. I believe that some of them were early enough that I don't remember. One of the first articles of clothing I do remember is a pair of pink short shorts one of my sisters had (well, she had it sometimes). It was a stretchy material that felt slightly spongy. I had to feel those shorts on me! It was such a great texture, and the skin-tight fit was so amazing!
MLS: Is this sexual for you? How would you describe the feelings that dressing gives you?
There is always some level of eroticism to it. Sometimes it's totally sexual, and extremely arousing. Other times, it's sort of a relaxing, blissful experience.
MLS: What is your most favorite form of dress?
That's hard to say. When the activity revolves around sex, give me something hot and slutty! At those times, short skirts and tight, revealing dresses are the top choices. If the goal is "blissing out" on how psychologically and physically wonderful the clothes feel, almost any pretty, feminine apparel will seem appealing.
MLS: How old were you when you first shared your love with another person? Were you scared? What was their reaction?
I guess the times I put myself in danger of being caught - and got caught - don't really count as sharing, do they?
In that case, the first time was with my college sweetheart in my early twenties. She had already demonstrated an ability to deal with some other secrets of mine, so I felt pretty safe just letting her know I liked women's clothes. Still, I didn't spring it on her by surprise, or suddenly show up at her door in drag. I told her about it when we were cuddling, at a moment that was relaxed but intimate.
I was scared, but not in a terrified sense. I presented it to her just as something I liked. At that point, I wasn't even asking her to participate in any way. I was just telling her about myself. Her reaction was levelheaded, as I expected. I knew she was open-minded about a lot of things, and this turned out to be another one of those. She did not want me to dress around her, but she didn't freak out or react in any of the other ways I might have feared. She even played around with it some during our numerous, lengthy phone conversations. She would tell me the number of items I should wear, sometimes even suggesting specific things...
MLS: We know that you have a love of fetish wear. What is your favorite? Pvc? Latex? Leather? When you're wearing something sexy or slinky, how does it make you feel?
Well, maybe I like the fetish gear a little bit... ;-) (Note: PVC, Latex, Leather - Fetish Gear)
It's tough to pick just one favorite, but PVC does hit all the right buttons. It has a great glossy sheen, stretches enough to give a fabulous fit, and feels very cool on both sides (touching and being touched). I would feel remiss, even traitorous, if I did not praise the feel and look of buttery soft leather, or the glassy shine of highly polished latex.
Spandex can be quite amusing, also...
When I'm wearing these things, it almost feels like the clothing imparts some measure of its qualities to me. Putting on something sexy and slinky makes me feel sexy and slinky. Similarly, donning a really feminine outfit makes me "feel" feminine -- though such a statement might only make sense to another cross-dresser.
MLS: You recently did a photo shoot for me as the wonderful woman "Layla". Layla is a departure from your normal "dress". How did that come about? Were you scared to share that with others?
It's true - most of my prior public appearances in women's clothing had involved items chosen for a hard-edged, fetishy look (at least that's how I defined it). While it usually included high heels, cool hose, and dresses or skirts,I was not trying to look feminine. I was just draping women's clothes on my body. As one friend once said, I was simply "a man ... in a dress". The photo shoot resulted from the convergence of external and internal factors.You said you wanted to do a shoot involving drag, and I happened to be going through a very "femme-y" phase. I have a tendency to go through periods of heightened and diminished interest in "femme-ing out" -- it seems to be a cyclic thing. Since I was already deep off into a feminine mode, it was not too much of a stretch to let it out with the camera as witness.
Yes, I was quite scared to let that out - for a number of reasons. First, indulging in that level of (what I think of as) feminine energy - around others - is something I have almost never done. That part of myself had previously been quite private, and being so public with it was very frightening, and rather thrilling. That is exactly the aspect of myself that I had felt compelled to shield from view for so many years. I had feared it would diminish my manhood in the eyes of others, and I prize my masculinity as I prize my femme side. I was scared that people would interpret as gay, my desire to appear so feminine. I hate the thought that women who might otherwise find me interesting, could decide to dismiss me as gay because I like women's clothing.
MLS: When you are "dressed" how do you consider yourself? How would you like others to see you?
If I'm going for the harder, more fetishy look, I see myself as did that one friend of mine: as "a man ... in a dress". When I'm going femme, I want to be perceived and to perceive myself as a female. In that situation, I'll try to look as feminine as I can. Ideally (which should probably be read as "in fantasy"), I wish to look like an attractive, sexy female. I want to look like someone I would want to fuck, to put it bluntly and a bit crudely. And I do want men to want me...
There are so many different facets to cross-dressing. I will continue posting questions to Michael and Layla and sharing his responses here. In the meantime, if you have a question you would like answered let me know and I'll ask him. Or, if you would like to be interviewed and have your thoughts and views about this fetish or any other, contact me. Interview
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