Welcome to the Celebrate Male Submission (CMS) Frequently Asked Questions section. This section will attempt to identify and answer some of the more commonly asked questions and will continue to grow and expand as more information becomes available. Although this FAQ will be primarily aimed at Male Submissives and female Dominants it is impossible to ignore the fact that there is more information written about Male Doms and Female Submissives.
During my search, I came to the conclusion that this information is just as important and should be included in this FAQ. All that is needed to make it relevant is to switch out gender and orientation. It also became apparent that not only do Male Subs visit this section but so do Male and Female Switches. (Switch=one who enjoys being Top or Bottom) To that end, I will be adding more information written by Male Dominants as well as Female Submissives.
It is my hope that this FAQ will serve as a resource to ALL individuals wanting more information about Submission and Surrender regardless of ones’ orientation or gender.
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You should read carefully all product packaging. If you have or suspect that you have a medical problem, promptly contact your health care provider. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this site.
Information and statements regarding dietary supplements that have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Dietary supplements where referenced or mentioned are not intended to treat, cure, or prevent any disease. SEE A PHYSICIAN!
How do I become submissive … ?
I have been asked this question many times over the years. I still continue to ask this very same question of others, both in person and in online chat rooms. For some of us, the discovery comes late in life. For others, we’ve known that we are “different” from childhood.
Many of us felt the need or at least a very strong interest very early in our lives. How many times did you volunteer to be the “Indian” in the Cowboys and Indians game? How many times were you the “bad child” when you played house? Do you remember contriving a way to be the one that was either spanked or tied up?
It dawned on me when I was seven years old and was watching a movie: “Hercules vs. The Amazons”, or some such fare. The theme was women riding roughshod over men other women. (Although Hercules ultimately did triumph)
I watched as the women controlled the men and even beat their captives occasionally. I felt as though someone had reached into my brain and pushed a button. Perhaps I will never have a concrete rational reason, but “This is way cool!” pretty much describes my response to that movie. And it remains the same to this day.
How do we become “submissive”? Submission isn’t a club. You don’t join the “brotherhood of ” on a whim. It’s something that is very integral to our very beings.
How we get there varies between individuals. The catalyst can be something as simple as a gesture, a phrase, or a look from a dominant female. For others, something more complex is required in order to explore this more thoroughly. Role-playing offers a “comfortable” means of exploring this side of our personality.
Who do we submit to …?
If your natural tendency is as a submissive individual, almost any strong personality will overwhelm us. I will admit when I have not had a “fix” of submission, I have to make a very conscious effort to avoid being bowled over by dominant personalities. Even in the most vanilla settings.
Any strong dominant personality can offer us the type of exchange that we seek. Personally, I prefer the female of the species, but that’s just my preference. I looked for and need something beyond just D/S in a relationship. It had to be at least a “friends who play together” situation.
When I first became active I patronized and played with Professional Dommes. Partly due to my personal situation at the time, and my initial shyness.
Those were rewarding experiences and aided my growth and understanding of my needs and the scene itself. I credit one Lady in particular for opening my eyes to the fact that D/S) did not have to stay a fantasy. A doubt that had nagged at my mind for years. She showed me that there are countless others like me, or similar to me, out there! Eventually, I desired more than to scene, and then go home. I NEEDED D/s in my life. I needed more than an arm swinging a whip or a booted foot in front of my face to worship. There has to be (IMHO) some level of friendship involved. I do not feel that I am unique in this aspect. We all need and want to be liked and respected for the human beings that we are. We are first and foremost, men and women; not Submissives and Dommes.
Why do I submit … ?
Submitting to a dominant female allows me to drop my “maleness” at the door and become a sometimes fragile human being.
The daily stress of my professional life can become overwhelming at times. I have to make decisions that affect others; some positive, oftentimes, negatively. As a heterosexual male, I am expected to wear a persona of “masculinity”.
Submission, by and large, is considered by many a weakness. In my opinion, submission is not a symbol of weakness, but rather one of strength. It takes almost inhuman strength to let go of the pain and the humiliation and anger and all the other emotions that we face every single day of our lives. My release oftentimes comes in the form of tears. Remember, we are raised as children to believe that tears were for “sissies” and were not allowed to shed tears. One of the reasons that I submit is to surrender to my need to cry. To shed tears that would otherwise be considered “unmanly”. My Mistress calls them her “gift”.
Submission does not mean I have a low opinion of myself. It does not mean I crave humiliation or embarrassment at the hands of every person, or dominant female I cross paths with. What it does mean though, is that I am free to “let go” of the daily stresses where I am in charge. Where I am in control. I can safely let another guide me while soaring within “subspace”.
Who is a submissive … ?
Submissives come in all shapes and sizes, from all walks of life. From blue-collar workers to professionals; Computer geeks and tradesmen. The entire spectrum is covered. Personally, I have yet to notice any one group producing more male submissives over another. Do not be dismayed if in your day-to-day life you are a dominant individual.
What is a submissive … ?
Websters Dictionary defines “submitting” as 1: to commit to the discretion or decision of another or of others 2:YIELD, SURRENDER
A submissive is an individual that “chooses” to place his or her control into the hands of a dominant personality. To yield or surrender his or her own choices to another person. We seek out these types of individuals because we need validation of some kind. Can you imagine standing in front of a mirror and playing both roles? Impossible.
Is it sexual … ?
Sometimes, it is. It’s almost always sexual in nature, although not always sensual. We use sex as the “excuse” to submit. I admit it can be very erotic. Especially if Mistress wants to exert “sexual control” over me. It’s very powerful to have my orgasms controlled by her. To have to ask for permission to obtain release is very demeaning and yet exciting.
For many, the mere fact that a woman is going to take control translates into something sexual. The sexual arena typically ruled by the Males of our species now becomes the place of power for the female. The female once thought of as the “weaker sex” becomes the stronger of the two. A mutual exchange of power takes place. By taking submission into this arena, lends a new type of power to the “weaker sex”. Our maleness becomes her tool in which to exert her own special brand of “control” over us. Our masculinity is oftentimes mocked. We are “forced” to wear female clothing. What can be more submissive than wearing a garter belt and stockings? There are few boundaries that can be crossed with greater impunity than the bedroom.
The dominant female recognizes and uses this place as her pedestal in which to stand above us. It is from this vantage point that she can begin to exert her control over us. We give this to her willingly. To be taken to a realm that ordinarily would be forbidden. There is a price for this. She demands pleasure. What form does this “pleasure” take? It can be anything from a simple foot rub to kneeling in a corner, in silence. Anything that can reduce us to the subservient male that She desires will bring her pleasure and allow us release and freedom. Submission like sex shares one commonality. Exposure. You’re revealing a lot about yourself by the mere act of submitting.
Is it painful …?
My Mistress calls it “sensation play”. I am a pain pup. That is to say, that I am an avowed Masochist. In my early days, I thought I was a pervert because I wanted “pain”. I needed pain. I told myself that I must be a bad person because of this and should be punished. Punishment allows us to embrace our masochism in a more “justified” manner. We take on the “I’m a bad person” and need to be punished persona in order to get what we want and sometimes need. For others, receiving pain is the means needed to become submissive. It does not always involve receiving pain (though personally, I am more than a bit of a pain pump). It varies with the individual. I will not attempt to explain the rationale behind my needing pain. Some experts would ascribe it to an “endorphin addiction”. For me, it’s a ride on the wild side; I soar and fly in my own freedom of self. I know that my Mistress will guide me through this journey and bring me back to earth, safe and sound; happy and whole once more. The basic thing is to acknowledge the need within and act accordingly.
In all things, caution and moderation should be the rule of the day. Experiment with sensations. Don’t be afraid to say “NO” to something that scares you. Set limits and boundaries. Identify which boundaries are non-negotiable and which limits are expandable.
Where can I find more information … ?
The following is a list of books available, both online and in some of the larger book stores. These books can help answer some of your questions regarding the psychology of why we do what we do. Most of the books listed here can be purchased online at qualitysm.com
Almost all of these books are available online at www.qualitysm.com or amazon.com